The Stages of Grief: Symptoms, Types, and How to Heal
Losing someone or something important to us is one of the hardest things we’ll ever face. Grief isn’t just about death—it can come from a breakup, losing a job, or even major life changes. No two people grieve the same way, and there’s no “right” way to go through it. Some days might feel manageable, while others hit like a wave out of nowhere. It can be overwhelming, unpredictable, and at times, isolating. If you’re grieving, know that your feelings are valid, and there’s no expected timeline for healing.
In this article we will discuss grief so that you can understand its stages, symptoms and different ways in which grief may be affecting you.
Table of Contents
- The Five Stages of Grief: Understanding Kübler-Ross’s Model
- Seven Stages of Grief and the Dual Process Model
- Common Symptoms of Grief: Emotional, Physical, and Cognitive Signs
- Types of Grief and Their Unique Timelines
- Evidence-Based Grief Therapy: What Really Helps
- When to Seek Help: Signs Grief May Need Therapy
- Final Thoughts on the Grieving Process
- Frequently Asked Questions About Grief and Healing
The Five Stages of Grief: Understanding Kübler-Ross’s Model
The five stages of grief, introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While these stages can help explain the grieving process, it’s important to know that people don’t always go through them in order. Many people do not experience all five stages, and those who do may go through them in a different order or revisit some stages multiple times. Below is a breakdown of each stage and what individuals might experience:
Photo by Alex Green
Denial: The first reaction to loss is often disbelief. It might feel like the loss isn’t real. Some people feel numb or detached as their mind tries to protect them from overwhelming pain.
Anger: As the reality of the loss sinks in, emotions such as frustration, resentment, or blame may surface. A grieving person might feel anger toward themselves, others, or even the person they lost. This stage is a natural response to pain and can manifest in irritability, outbursts, or general feelings of injustice.
Bargaining: This stage is filled with “what if” and “if only” thoughts. People may wish they had done something differently or hope for a way to undo the loss. Some may turn to spirituality or higher powers, attempting to make deals in exchange for relief from their grief.
Depression: As reality sets in, deep sadness, loneliness, or hopelessness may emerge. People in this stage often withdraw from social interactions and experience a sense of emptiness. While difficult, this phase is a crucial part of healing, allowing individuals to fully process their emotions.
Acceptance: This doesn’t mean being “okay” with the loss but rather coming to terms with it. Acceptance does not mean forgetting or no longer feeling sadness; it means integrating the loss into one’s life while still finding meaning and purpose.
Seven Stages and the Dual-Process Model
The five stages aren’t the only way to understand grief. The seven-stage model expands on Kübler-Ross’s idea by adding:
Shock: Before denial sets in, individuals may feel completely overwhelmed, emotionally paralyzed, or in disbelief. This stage can be accompanied by physical symptoms like dizziness or nausea.
Reconstruction & Working Through: After acceptance begins, individuals may start to rebuild their lives, adjusting to their new reality and finding ways to engage in daily activities with a renewed sense of purpose.
Another approach, the dual-process model. This model acknowledges that grieving individuals do not move through grief in a straight line but instead alternate between confronting their emotions and seeking distraction or relief.
Loss-oriented coping: Facing the emotions of grief head-on through mourning, crying, and reminiscing.
Restoration-oriented coping: Engaging in daily tasks, problem-solving, and taking breaks from grief to restore a sense of normalcy.
Common Symptoms of Grief: Emotional, Physical, Behavioural & Cognitive Signs
Grief manifests in many ways, and its symptoms can be emotional, physical, cognitive, and behavioural. Recognising these symptoms can help individuals understand that what they are experiencing is a normal part of the grieving process.
Physical Symptoms of Grief
Grief can take a toll on the body leading to;
Fatigue
Changes in sleep
Changes in appetite
Headaches
Muscle tension
Weakened immune system.
Heart palpitations
Stomach discomfort due to prolonged stress and emotional strain.
Emotional Symptoms of Grief
People experiencing grief often feel;
Deep sadness
Anger
Guilt
Loneliness or even
Relief
Emotions may rapidly shift, with moments of intense sorrow followed by brief periods of calm. Guilt is also common, particularly when individuals feel they could have done something differently to prevent the loss or to support the person who has passed.
Behavioural Symptoms of Grief
Changes in social behaviour
Withdrawal from loved ones
Loss of interest in hobbies
Avoidance of reminders of the loss
Substance use and even,
Excessive work as a way to distract themselves from their pain.
Cognitive Symptoms of Grief
Difficulty concentrating
Forgetfulness
Intrusive thoughts or replaying memories
Sense of disorientation
Some individuals report feeling like they are in a "fog," making daily tasks harder to complete.
Types of Grief and Their Unique Timelines
While grief is commonly associated with the loss of a loved one, there are various forms of grief that people experience, each with its own timeline and progression:
Acute Grief
This occurs immediately following a loss, typically lasting weeks to months. It is characterized by intense sadness, difficulty functioning, and emotional instability. Many people experience waves of distress, triggered by reminders of the loss.
Complicated Grief
When grief persists beyond 12 months and significantly interferes with daily life, it may be classified as complicated grief. Individuals in this category may struggle with continual longing for what was lost.
Anticipatory Grief
This occurs before an expected loss, such as when a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness. It can last for months or even years, depending on the duration of the illness or impending loss. Individuals experiencing anticipatory grief may cycle through emotions such as sadness, anxiety, and pre-emptive mourning.
Disenfranchised Grief
Unlike other forms, disenfranchised grief is not always acknowledged or validated by society. This could include grief from the loss of a pet, miscarriage, or estrangement from a loved one. Without societal support, individuals may struggle to fully process their emotions. The timeline for this grief varies greatly, depending on external validation and personal coping mechanisms.
Evidence-Based Grief Therapy: What Really Helps
For those struggling with grief, therapy can provide valuable tools and support. Common therapeutic approaches include:
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT):
Helps individuals identify and challenge unhelpful thought patterns that may be prolonging their grief. Techniques such as reframing thoughts, mindfulness, and structured problem-solving are used to reduce distress and promote healing. CBT can be especially beneficial for those experiencing guilt, self-blame, or negative thought patterns.
Complicated Grief Therapy (CGT)
A structured therapy specifically designed for prolonged or intense grief. CGT incorporates techniques that help individuals process their grief while gradually re-engaging in meaningful activities.
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
Encourages individuals to accept their grief rather than suppress it while helping them commit to meaningful life activities despite their pain.
Narrative Therapy
Helps individuals process loss by reconstructing their story and finding meaning in their experience. This approach is particularly beneficial for those struggling with identity changes following a loss.
Mindfulness-Based Therapy
Techniques such as meditation, journaling, and creative arts therapy can help individuals process emotions in non-verbal ways, allowing for deeper emotional exploration and healing.
Support Groups and Group Therapy
Connecting with others who have experienced similar losses can be incredibly healing. Group therapy provides a sense of community, allowing individuals to share their experiences, offer support, and gain insights from others navigating grief.
Medication (if needed)
In cases where grief leads to severe depression or anxiety, medication may be considered as part of a broader treatment plan. While medication does not "cure" grief, it can help manage symptoms that interfere with daily functioning. Consulting a healthcare professional is essential before starting any medication.
When to Seek Help: Signs Grief May Need Therapy
While grief is a natural process, there are times when professional support may be necessary. Consider seeking help if:
You feel stuck in grief with no improvement over time.
Daily life becomes overwhelming and unmanageable.
You experience persistent thoughts of hopelessness or self-harm.
Anxiety, depression, or substance use develops as a result of grief.
You find yourself unable to engage in activities that once brought joy or meaning.
Therapy can provide a safe space to process grief and develop coping strategies that support healing.
Final Thoughts on the Grieving Process
Grief is a deeply personal journey. There is no timeline for healing and there’s no right or wrong way to experience it. It is important to be patient with yourself and seek support when needed. Whether through self-care, social connection, or professional therapy, healing is possible. If you or someone you know is struggling with grief, reaching out to a mental health professional can be an important step towards finding comfort and hope.
Frequently Asked Questions About Grief and Healing
Is it normal to feel nothing after a loss?
Yes, emotional numbness is a common grief response. It can be the mind's way of protecting itself from overwhelming pain in the early stages of loss.
Can grief come back years later?
Yes, grief can resurface even years after a loss, especially around anniversaries, holidays, or life milestones. This is known as delayed or reactivated grief.
Can children experience grief differently than adults?
Yes. Children may express grief through behaviour changes, play, or regression. Their understanding of death and loss varies based on age and development.
How long should grief last before seeking help?
There’s no “should,” but if intense grief persists beyond 6–12 months and impacts daily functioning, it might be time to speak with a mental health professional.
Is grief different after sudden or traumatic loss?
Yes. Sudden or traumatic loss may lead to complicated grief, PTSD, or shock. It often requires additional support and sometimes trauma-informed therapy.
Can grief impact your memory or concentration?
Yes, cognitive symptoms like forgetfulness, poor concentration, and brain fog are common in grief. These usually improve with time and self-care.
Can grief affect your immune system?
Yes. Prolonged grief and stress can suppress immune function, making the body more vulnerable to illness and inflammation.
How can I support someone who's grieving?
Offer your presence, listen without judgment, and avoid clichés. Saying things like “I’m here for you” and giving them space to grieve in their own way is often more helpful than advice.
